Coming Soon: Britain’s Got Surgeons – and You’re the Judge

Forget scalpels; doctors now need five-star ratings to get paid. Welcome to Britain’s Got A&E, where your appendix removal might hinge on Sharon’s opinion of the yoghurt!

Years ago, I was awarded ‘Columnist of the Year’ by a panel of judges who to this day, I suspect were either high, misinformed, or had me confused with the other bloke who writes about sourdough and swearing. What do you mean I’ve said this more times than Keir Starmer’s mentioned his working-class roots and his dad’s factory job? I digress…

But still, i…