From DNA to Dorian Gray: How One Hair Strand Can Now Age You, Judge You, and Possibly Ruin Your Dating Life

Because obviously what the world needed was an AI that can build your face from a flake of dandruff and then tell you you’re ageing badly.

Let’s get one thing straight before we dive into this dystopian buffet of science fiction dressed up as progress: I’ve been in the software game longer than most of these AI developers have been alive… or out of nappies, for that matter. I’ve written software. I’ve supported it. I’ve sold it. And guess what? Selling it paid better, because writing code is a bit like building Ikea furniture with instructions written by a drunk spider.