The 50-Calorie Fantasy: Why Wes Streeting’s Health Plan Is a Diet in Denial
They say every little helps; but this government scheme to tackle obesity by trimming 50 calories a day is less a bold health revolution, more like putting a lettuce leaf on a collapsing buffet table!
I once spent a week eating nothing but those diet protein bars that taste like cardboard and have the texture of reupholstered gym mats. I was promised weight loss, boundless energy and younger looking skin. What I got was a bloated stomach, a mood that could melt concrete and the haunting sensation that my intestines were having a sulk. All to save a few calories.
So when I read this week that the government plans to fight the UK’s obesity crisis by removing 50 calories a day from our diets… Yes fifty! I had to double check I wasn’t accidentally reading a script for Mock the Week.
Fifty calories. That’s one oatcake. Or fifteen cherry tomatoes. Or if you’re posh, three sips of a matcha smoothie you hate but drink for Instagram. It’s barely enough to register on a Fitbit. In fact, if I had a calorie for every time a government minister made a meaningless health announcement, I’d be clinically obese by now.
This is apparently the dazzling centrepiece of Wes Streeting’s new ten-year NHS health plan. A bold, world-first partnership between government and food manufacturers to help tackle obesity. By “nudging”; not nannying. Because nothing says serious public health policy like a gentle suggestion to eat slightly fewer Pringles.
Let me put this into perspective. Cutting 50 calories a day is like trying to stop a house fire by blowing on it through a paper straw. We’re not just rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic; we’re shrinking them slightly in the hope the iceberg goes away.
Now, I get the concept. If everyone in the country trims just a smidge off their daily intake, the collective effect could be massive. They say this will lift two million adults out of obesity. I say only if those adults are papier-mache models of real humans.
This whole plan assumes that the average Briton, faced with the choice between a reduced-calorie cauliflower crisp and an actual triple-chocolate brownie, will go with the cauliflower because it’s been repositioned near the till. I’ve seen Britain. I’ve been to Greggs. We don’t do cauliflower crisps. We do steak bakes the size of a toddler and a Red Bull to wash them down.
So how, please tell me, do they plan to implement this miracle? Through loyalty schemes and supermarket layouts. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned over the last decade, it’s that you can definitely fix public health with a Nectar card and a rearranged produce aisle.
Some supermarkets might even be penalised for failing to hit these health targets. Which sounds noble until you remember this is the same country that once tried to solve childhood obesity by banning cartoon characters from cereal boxes… as if the root of the problem was Tony the Tiger, and not the fact that some kids are eating Skittles for breakfast and calling it a fruit salad.
Now I’m not entirely against innovation. I think prevention is smarter than throwing another ten billion at the A&E hamster wheel. But the problem isn’t that people lack calorie awareness. It’s that they live in a society where it’s easier to get a £1 cheeseburger than a banana that doesn’t look like it’s been in a bar fight.
This plan also includes a digital vaccine passport on the NHS app, easier jab bookings, and investment in mRNA research to cure cancer. Which is all very exciting. But none of it changes the fact that 50 calories is what you burn putting on your shoes. It’s a sneeze in nutritional terms. It’s a lentil’s worth of progress.
Let’s be real. If diet food worked, we’d all be slim. But as any Weight Watchers veterans can tell you, low fat usually means high disappointment; and the only thing that’s truly lighter is your wallet.
Oh, another final thought, I promise! If Wes Streeting wants to fix the NHS, fantastic. But let’s stop pretending a 50-calorie cut is the solution to a national crisis. It’s not a health revolution. It’s a light salad dressing on a deep-fried economy. Let’s aim higher than cherry tomatoes. Yes; I slept way too long last night…
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Chris Geiger, Author of The Cancer Survivors Club.
Daily Dose of Disbelief!
Bsky: @chrisgeiger.com
Bsky: @thecancersurvivorsclub.com
Bsky: @dailydoseofdisbelief.com
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