The Jab, the Gut and the Waddle of Truth
After years of mocking weight-loss injections and preaching the gospel of jogging to the pub, I’m forced to admit… a belly jab that cuts cancer risk by 41% might just be the miracle needle we need.
Right. I’m going to do something I almost never do. No, not run a marathon or order a salad… let’s not be ridiculous. I’m going to admit, grudgingly and with the same enthusiasm I reserve for watching a vegan sausage tutorial, that I might have been wrong.
Because for years, I’ve ranted (beautifully, I might add) about the state of our nation’s waistlines. About how we’ve turned into a society where the only six-pack anyone recognises is in the fridge next to the pork pies. Where willpower is as outdated as Ceefax, and the closest most people get to exercise is wrestling a packet of Scotch eggs from the fridge while still in their dressing gown.
And then along comes a jab. Not a jab in the boxing sense… that might actually burn a calorie… but a little injection in the belly that allegedly, tells your brain to stop fantasising about sausage rolls every 15 minutes. These GLP-1 receptor agonists, with names like Wegovy and Mounjaro, which sound more like password suggestions than medication, are now being hailed as the miracle cure for obesity and cancer.
Yes. Cancer. The big one. The one that doesn’t care how many steps your Fitbit says you’ve done or what overpriced smoothie you drank after yoga. According to a new study, these jabs could cut the risk of developing obesity-related cancer by 41%. That’s not just statistically significant… that’s the kind of number that makes oncologists raise an eyebrow and health ministers start dreaming of budget surpluses.
And I’ll be honest; that gives even a cynical old git like me pause for thought.
Because if the science checks out, and this little hormone-mimicking miracle can keep people from growing tumours faster than they grow out of their trousers, then maybe, just maybe, it’s not the end of civilisation as we know it.
Don’t get me wrong, I still think it’s tragic that we’ve reached the point where the idea of not eating an entire steak and kidney pie in one sitting is considered an achievement. I still believe that a gentle jog or even an energetic walk to the pub wouldn’t kill most people. And yes, I still hold a deep, irrational suspicion of anything that tries to shortcut what should be done with common sense, sweat and a decent pair of trainers.
But if we now live in a world where people can’t say no to a second Cornish pasty and yet we’ve found a jab that can sneak in, fiddle with your hormones and reduce your cancer risk in the process, well, fine. Stick it in your gut and carry on watching telly with a Jaffa Cake in your mouth. Who am I to stop you?
Because apparently, it’s not just the weight loss that’s doing the trick. According to the clever people in lab coats (who, unlike me don’t get paid to shout about meat products), these drugs are doing something else at a metabolic level. They’re like the bouncers of your bloodstream, kicking out the cancerous riffraff while you’re busy debating whether to have one or two Bakewell tarts.
And let’s face it; being overweight is the second biggest preventable cause of cancer in the UK. That’s not a statistic, that’s a national embarrassment. We’ve managed to let pies become a public health hazard.
So fine. Maybe this jab is a good idea. Maybe if it saves the NHS millions and they can spend that money on actual care, instead of parking enforcement and rubbery sandwiches; then we call it a win.
Just promise me one thing; don’t use it as an excuse to go full Womble on the biscuit aisle. There’s still something noble about earning your health the old-fashioned way… even if it does involve the odd scotch egg for motivation.
And if twenty years from now, we find out this jab causes you to grow an extra toe or uncontrollable cravings for Quorn… well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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Chris Geiger, Author of The Cancer Survivors Club.
Daily Dose of Disbelief!
Bsky: @chrisgeiger.com
Bsky: @thecancersurvivorsclub.com
Bsky: @dailydoseofdisbelief.com
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