Wes the Waffling Hamster: If You Don’t Like Democracy, Resign
Streeting squeaks that assisted dying costs too much compassion per pound — yet still clings to the NHS wheel like a rodent guarding stale bedding. Time to scurry off, Wes.
About five minutes ago, while attempting to enjoy my morning coffee, I made the mistake of glancing at news online. There, beaming out from my screen like a malfunctioning toaster, was our esteemed Health Secretary Wes Streeting announcing to his constituents that democracy had apparently malfunctioned because, brace yourselves, people voted in a way he didn’t personally like.
Now, Wes seems perfectly pleasant in the same way that a hamster is pleasant. He squeaks, he scurries, he rearranges bits of bedding when he’s stressed. The trouble begins when you give the hamster control of the entire NHS, a budget the size of Belgium’s GDP and a microphone.
He’s now wailing that Parliament, you know that awkward body of elected people who supposedly speak for us; got it wrong by passing the assisted dying bill. He claims the NHS can’t afford it. This is the same NHS, I remind you, that currently spends billions annually to keep half of the country on statins and the other half parked on waiting lists so long you could grow a beard worthy of Gandalf before seeing a consultant.
Wes says there’s “no budget” for helping terminally ill people bow out gracefully rather than gasping like a goldfish on a dry pavement. Apparently, in his galaxy, there is money for more managers, more tick-box equality training; and more press releases about ‘innovative pathways to reduce bed-blocking’. But no budget for mercy. That costs too much compassion per pound, you see.
This is the same chap who once voted for assisted dying. Then he flip-flopped faster than a political pancake because… brace for impact; he suddenly worried palliative care isn’t good enough. Well, Wes, if you’ve just discovered the NHS is a bit creaky, might I suggest you step down from your ministerial throne and hand the keys to someone who doesn’t need a memo to understand the basics?
It’s bewildering. Imagine hiring a plumber who’s never seen a tap. That’s the modern Health Secretary for you! A man in charge of a system so vast and unwieldy, he has no real clue how it works, nor the humility to let grown-ups fix it. If he were a camera, he’d be an Olympus with a light leak and a broken lens endlessly refocusing on its subject…
Meanwhile, back on Planet Reality, families watch their loved ones fade away, praying for a gentle exit that doesn’t involve a secret one-way flight to Switzerland and a bank loan to cover the bill. Parliament, in a rare flicker of moral backbone; agreed to spare them this indignity. It was messy, it was close, but they did it. That’s what a democracy does… the majority decide, not the lone hamster squeaking from a Facebook page.
Of course, the spin doctors and other assorted talking heads now pretend this bill will bankrupt the NHS. Let me gently remind them that high-quality end-of-life care is also expensive. Hospitals keeping dying people alive for six pointless weeks costs a lot more than an honest, compassionate, medically-supervised goodbye. But don’t let logic get in the way of a good scare story.
The real insult is Wes isn’t even subtle about dragging his feet. He’s basically told us, eyes blinking earnestly, that he’ll slow-roll this law until the next general election or until we get bored and forget. Nice try. In case he’s forgotten, we pay his wages. He’s our servant, not the emperor of terminal misery. If he can’t deliver what the people and Parliament decided, he should stand up, dust off that ministerial bottom and jog briskly to the nearest Jobcentre.
To every other minister reading this on their taxpayer-funded iPads; take note. This is not optional. We voted for compassion. We expect compassion. Implement it or pack your novelty mugs and potted plants and make way for someone who doesn’t need a primer on the meaning of majority rule.
To everyone else, especially those with a loved one facing this horror show; keep shouting. Keep writing. Keep reminding these parliamentary place-holders that a real leader listens when the people have spoken.
So yes, Wes, you nice-but-hapless hamster, either carry out the will of the House, or step aside and let a grown-up who actually knows the difference between democracy and dictatorship have a crack at the job.
I’d say “good luck”; but the terminally ill deserve more than luck. They deserve the choice so many just fought for. Now for heaven’s sake, give it to them.
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Chris Geiger, Author of The Cancer Survivors Club.
Daily Dose of Disbelief!
Bsky: @chrisgeiger.com
Bsky: @thecancersurvivorsclub.com
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