Why would you not want your child to have the HPV vaccine? What next — letting them lick plug sockets for fun?
By someone wearing protective gloves because he’s about to touch a nerve!
Let me get something straight. We now have a vaccine that can actually prevent cancer. Not sort of. Not maybe. Not if the Moon is falling from the sky and the wind’s blowing from the northeast. No; it works. HPV causes 99% of cervical cancers; and we’ve got a jab that flicks two fingers at it. It’s like giving your child a superpower, but instead of flying or invisibility, they just don’t die a horribly preventable death later in life. Marvellous.
So why, in the name of Calpol and common sense, are some parents refusing it?
Apparently, uptake of the HPV vaccine has dropped to 73% in girls and just 68% in boys. Why? Because of “vaccine fatigue.” That’s the new phrase, by the way. It’s not that parents are anti-vaxxers, no no. That would imply a conscious decision based on some deranged YouTube rabbit hole. This is far worse. This is people being bored of vaccines.
Let’s be honest, these are the same parents who’ll cheerfully let their kids chug neon-blue slushies, pack their lunchboxes with meat discs and cheese that legally qualify as “food,” and park them in front of TikTok for 14 hours to watch other children unwrap plastic tat they’ll never afford. But suggest a single injection that could stop them from getting cancer? Suddenly it’s, “Oh no, we’re a bit concerned about all these needles.” Right. Because Blue Raspberry Number Five is totally fine, but a life-saving jab is where you draw the line.
What? Really? Seriously?
That’s like refusing to change your child’s nappy because you’ve “already wiped a lot this week.”
Don’t even get me started on the consent forms. Whole flocks of them disappearing like socks in a tumble dryer. Never returned, never signed, possibly used to scoop up spilled Monster Munch on the kitchen floor. Meanwhile, parents are too busy Googling whether strawberries have feelings and how much screen time will turn their child into a serial killer.
Let me offer a Geiger analogy here. Refusing your kid the HPV vaccine is like refusing to put a seatbelt on them because you watched one Facebook video about it pinching a bloke in 1997. Then letting them hang their head out the car window while you drive through a field of rusty nails.
So let’s not pretend it’s about side effects. The HPV vaccine is so well-tested it practically comes with a Michelin star. It’s been given to millions of people. It’s safe. So unless your child is a rare breed of Victorian ghost who can’t abide science, they’ll be just fine. What won’t be fine is their immune system when it meets HPV and doesn’t know what hit it.
Then there’s school absences. Yes, some kids are missing their jabs because they’re missing school. A lot. But if your child is always home, in their onesie, neck-deep in Pringles, “too tired” for lessons but somehow still able to unlock level 73 on Fortnite; then maybe cervical cancer isn’t your biggest parenting concern.
And what’s the government doing? A “catch-up” campaign. Lovely. “Catch-up”; the same phrase used when your Wi-Fi cuts out or you miss a bit of Love Island. Only this time, it’s not a missed episode. It’s potentially the difference between your child growing up to be a parent… or becoming a cautionary tale in a health leaflet.
The HPV vaccine is one dose. Not five. Not weekly. One. Dose. Done. It doesn’t just prevent cervical cancer. It slashes the risk of throat and head cancers too; the kind that sneak up on men as well. This isn’t a “girl’s issue.” It’s an everyone’s issue. Cancer doesn’t care what school you go to or whether you brought your P.E. kit. And no I didn’t get out of bed the wrong side!
So please, for the love of all that is medically sensible, stop pretending you know more than the entire NHS and a decade’s worth of international research just because you once skimmed an Instagram post from “HealingMama82.”
You wouldn’t let your child eat a pack of ham they found in a car park. You wouldn’t let them drink a bottle of bleach because it looked like Sprite. So why are you letting them waltz through adolescence unprotected from one of the most common, preventable causes of cancer?
Get them the bloody jab. It’s one of the few things in this messed-up world we can still do right.
So yes, you still have to do the smear test later. Because unlike your child’s homework, that’s not optional either.
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Chris Geiger, Author of The Cancer Survivors Club.
Daily Dose of Disbelief!
Bsky: @chrisgeiger.com
Bsky: @thecancersurvivorsclub.com
Bsky: @dailydoseofdisbelief.com
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